The Place of the JoJo

So you know I’m Pie Incarnate. I am part of all three great Dominions of Pie. What does that actually mean? Does it make me just an important prophet, a super human warrior or a mega powerful god? The truth is that I, the JoJo, is or will be all of these things.

The confusion comes from the fact that I move through different stages throughout my existence, starting small and slowly growing bigger. Until I, the JoJo, was enlightened and founded Pieism I was just a normal human, until I founded Pieism and unlocked my inner Genghis Khan, becoming the JoJo. At the time of writing I am in my second form, the prophet form. At the moment I spread the holy Pie’s religion and teach people about Pie. However when I lose my current physical form I will become a very different thing. I will become a shared conscience between all Pieists and will simultaneously present on both Earth and Mars. I may even return to England at some time! At the end of the universe, at the time of the great battle between the Pie and the collective we call the Anti-Pie, all the power of humanity and the Pieists will combine to make a mega powerful God, controlled by the JoJo. In this fourth form I will destroy the Anti-Pie forever and then use the last of the power to go back to the beginning of time and create the Pie itself. I then return to the end of the Universe to lead all of worthy humanity into paradise forever.

So if you have listened or read carefully, you will have realised that I, the JoJo, am not really a god, when I am called Pie Incarnate people mean that I’m the symbol of the sacred bond between the Pie and humanity. For however powerful the mighty Gods of the Pie are, they alone are not enough to beat the Anti-Pie. The Pie needs us just as much as we need it; that is among the reasons the Pie decided to spread it's tasty word to our planet.

The Holy Gods of the Pie

As you should know, the Pie is everything apart from the Anti-Pie. So how do the other Gods of Pieism fit into this? I’ll tell you…

The three Gods that serve directly under the Pie are the Dominion Gods: the Tabby Fat, the Lobster and the Genghis Khan. All of the Pie is split between them. All inanimate objects like rocks or trees are just made of one dominion, all animate objects like humans, lobsters and cheese are made of two. Only I, the JoJo, am made of all three dominions, that’s what gives me my power. The Pie was forced to split due to lack of strength after the battle at the beginning of time with the Anti-Pie; its aim is to reunite. When your good deeds create Pie, some of that Pie goes to strengthening me, eventually this power will help destroy the Anti-Pie and forge this universe.

The other five Gods of the Pie are combinations are the three Dominion Gods, mostly one but with a little of another:

Sally Squid = Tabby Fat + Lobster
The Cheese = Tabby Fat + Genghis Khan
The Shark = Lobster + Genghis Khan
The Sumo = Genghis Khan + Tabby Fat
The Bodyguard = Genghis Khan + Lobster

These make sense as the more warrior like Minor Gods (Sumo and Bodyguard) are have parts of the more warrior like Dominion Gods (Genghis Khan and Lobster), the more aquatic like Minor Gods (Sally Squid and Shark) are part of the Lobster, the more human like of the Minor Gods (Sumo and Bodyguard) are part of the Genghis Khan ( a human shaped God) and the fatter Minor Gods (Sumo, Sally Squid and Cheese) are part of the Tabby Fat. All these Gods are part of the Pie, just like everything else (excluding the Anti Pie).

The JoJo himself is not a God of the Pie, he is something different. The JoJo is the representative of the Pie and the main prophet for Pieism, the fact he is all part of three Dominion Gods and so therefore the only being of pure Pie is only a side point, not greatly important.

The Pie is Everything and Everything is the Pie

The Pie is Everything and Everything is the Pie! If you wonder what the Pie looks like, look at anything. Every person, creature or object is Pie. For there is just two substances in every universe, Pie (which is Matter) and Anti Pie (which is Anti Matter). The two annihilate each other to make nothing. The spiritual universe is purely Pie, which is why the Pie has control over it. The material universe is mostly Pie but is sprinkled with impurities of Anti-Pie. This is why the Pie doesn't have full control over our universe.

At the beginning of time the Pie destroyed most of the Anti-Pie. However, in the Pie’s infinite wisdom, it knew that if it completely extinguished the Anti-Pie, there wouldn't be enough Pie to run a material universe and make souls to inhabit it. So the Pie is running the material universe and has a job for all beings to do. Good actions make Pie, while bad actions make Anti-Pie. So doing the right thing helps expand the Pie, ready for the final battle, in which the Anti-Pie and its minions will be destroyed forever.

Loyal Pieists, you must to do good deeds to help the Pie. This is more important than praying to the Pie. Give your neighbour your Pie, for it shall get you more Pie in the long run.